Constellations
by captainodonewithyou
Summary: A lieutenant duckling AU that I abandoned a while ago and am coming back to. When Liam is left by his crew in Neverland, Killian is bound and determined to save him before it's too late. (pirate)
1. Chapter 1

Emma was so _angry_ with him. Sure, Ruby had dared him. So. Freaking. What. She was angry with Ruby, too. To be fair, she probably hadn't expected him to actually do it. But also to be fair, Killian had never turned his nose up to a dare. Never to this very second. And she was beyond even pissed. She was livid and embarrassed and she wanted nothing more than an for an ogre to come from the woods and eat her.

_ They all were a bit tipsy, save Ruby. It was safe to say that Ruby was thoroughly drunk. Emma had known the dare game was coming by the twinkle that lit up her friends eyes. The devious glint that meant she definitely was scheming something. Generally the joke was on the boys so Emma just rolled her eyes, turning back to Killian, Will, Tink and Alice. Baelfire had left early, saying something about exhaustion and a headache. Emma had worried about him vaguely before forgetting entirely. The world seemed a little smaller from their little table in the corner and it made her worries seem smaller, too._

Maybe running from the bar had been a slight overreaction, but at the time it felt warranted. She wasn't sure if she ever wanted to see him again. She didn't know how he could've done that to her, in front of everyone. He didn't ever think, she knew that already. But he was her best friend and she thought he knew her well enough to not have to think. But apparently she was wrong. She tried to slow her breathing, clinging to the bark of the nearest tree and feeling it dig into her palms.

_ "Time foooor a game," Ruby had slurred, then smirked that mischievous grin again. Emma should have been getting nervous, but she wasn't. She and Alice were rolling their eyes at the pathetic sailor-oriented joke Killian had tossed and the Knave had cackled at. Tink was shaking her head at the boys. But when Ruby announced it was game time, everyone slowly turned their attention to her. Her dares were fun, and fun to laugh at._

_ "What'll it be this time, lass?" Killian asked, still swallowing chuckles from his terrible joke. He glanced at Emma, whose eyebrow shot up. _

_ He rolled his eyes at her and she smirked, turning back to Ruby. She was signaling the bartender for yet another drink. The minute she wasn't looking Emma watched as Killian got his attention as well, cutting his hand along his throat. They all knew that the last thing Ruby needed was another. Emma's smirk softened into a gentle smile._

_ "I have a dare," she continued, voice decidedly less slurry. Emma found herself wondering in the back of her mind if her friend was really as drunk as she was acting. It definitely wouldn't be a first._

_ "For…?" Knave prodded, taking the remainder of Emma's drink from in front of her and downing it. She didn't move fast enough to get it back, so she glared at him and punched his shoulder. He smirked and then cringed as Tink kicked him beneath the table._

_ Ruby raised a finger, waving it sloppily. Until it landed on Killian. _

_ "You, hottie," then her hand popped over her mouth, and she glanced at Emma like she'd said something wrong. Emma just raised an eyebrow at her._

She couldn't believe that he'd actually done it.

_ "Alright, love, nail it on me," his eyebrows raised and crooked in anticipation. A relaxed smirk was planted in his features. It took a moment but Emma did realize she was staring, and quickly turned back to Ruby._

_ "Killy, Killy, Killy," she paused, and then her grin widened even further. "Kiss the most beautiful person in the bar."_

_ "Well I can't kiss myself, lass," he shot back immediately, and the Knave choked. Emma rolled her eyes. He was such an idiot, with his dark hair messed in all directions. But she didn't think anyone could deny that her best friend was beautiful._

_ "Oi, I'm here, mate," the Knave argued once he'd regained composure, "No competition." Alice elbowed him and he laughed._

_ But Killian wasn't laughing anymore. He was quiet. Because as much as they laughed at Ruby's dares, when it came down to it they took the game very seriously. Emma felt her pulse quicken, and she glanced around the bar. There were so many beautiful women. None of which would turn him down. No one in their right mind would turn him down. _

_ She didn't know why but her pulse was racing. Emma was so busy looking and worrying that she didn't see him get up until he was approaching her. She felt her heart drop fantastically, then swing back up and sink again. He was staring at her. Not one of the beautiful women. Her. _

_ She tried to make her voice work. To laugh it off before it was too late. She tried to look away or run away but she couldn't move. He stopped beside her chair and paused, just staring at her with those beautiful blue eyes of his. He looked weak, scared almost. Her heart was flying out of her chest. He couldn't do this to her. Not now, not in front of everyone. Oh God. _

_ He was leaning down to her, slowly. Giving her time to back out. But she felt frozen in place. She couldn't make him stop. And then his lips just barely brushed across hers, touching for a brief moment. The jolt it sent through her was almost painful. No, it was painful. She felt the fear finally reaching her eyes. Killian was still right there. She could taste his soft breath, coming in gentle warm waves. And everyone was staring. Everyone could see how helpless she was. She knew he was waiting. Waiting for her to do something. Do anything other than sit there full of fear._

_ She felt her eyes brush over her friends. Knave's jaw was slightly dropped, frozen. Alice and Tink both were smiling, wide and genuine. And frigging Ruby was smirking her face off. She'd known how Killian would respond. She'd known and she'd known how Emma would feel and she'd done it anyway. Because she could._

_ That was when the rage surged through her. The heat finally reached her cheeks and her eyes watered and she flew to her feet, pushing past Killian. He tried to grab her arm and make her stop but she pulled away from his gentle hands easily. The whole bar was blurring through her tear-filled eyes and she stumbled towards the door. Getting as far away as she could. Far enough that she didn't have to face him. _

"Emma?" his voice was hoarse and frightened, "Love I know you're here…" he paused, taking a shallow and shaky breath, "I can hear you breathing."

She considered taking off running again but she didn't have it in her.

But she didn't want to face him.

"Go away, Killian," she called, folding against the nearest tree. Subconsciously trying to make herself invisible. Make him leave. Why wouldn't he leave? She heard his boots in the leaves, approaching her slowly. He hesitated when he was just behind her, then gently touched her shoulder. It made her heart pound, and she shrugged his hand away, leaning closer to the rough bark of the tree. Fighting not to cry again. She knew pushing him away would hurt him. And she didn't want to hurt him. But what else could she do?

"I'm sorry," he whispered after a moment. His voice was still broken, likely from calling after her. It made her heart ache. But she couldn't do it, she just couldn't. She remained silent, and the only noise was his gentle breathing and the wildlife waking up around them. "Emma, please don't ignore me," he breathed. So weak. She didn't move. "Bloody hell," he muttered, voice getting louder, "What have I even done?" she heard him shifting angrily, "Am I not permitted to appreciate your beauty?"

Emma felt the rage inside of her finally build to it's breaking point and snap.

"Dammit, Killian!" she cried, turning angrily on him. To his credit, he held his ground. Not many found such ease in standing up to the princess when she was in a rage. "Why the hell would you do that?"

His eyebrows shot up, framing his blue eyes that seemed on fire, "What, princess? Compliment your beauty? Or kiss you? You're being unclear," he spat, leaning nearer to her.

"How about all of the above?" she growled, reciprocating his challenge by taking a full threatening step towards him. This time he cringed backwards a bit before righting his pose of utter bravado.

"How did any of it _possibly_ offend you, Swan?" he cried, throwing his hands in the air and glowering at her. "I know you're a sensitive lass, but-"

"Don't you dare!" she snapped, pushing him hard, both hands to his chest. "Don't you even dare!" He just managed to catch his balance in his backwards stumble, righting himself and looking down at her, hurt silence deep in his eyes. She expected him to come right back at her, with a fist maybe. Wanted him to. But he didn't. He just stood there and took it. Which only frustrated her more. "Why are you being so _different_!?" she finally accused angrily, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Different?" he cried with exasperation, "How do you figure that?"

She let out an angry breath and clenched her teeth. How could he not see it? How could he be so ridiculously blind?

"You shouldn't have kissed me," was all she muttered.

"Aye love, I'm getting that," he answered, glaring at her feet.

An awkward silence fell between them, and she knew she'd hurt his feelings. She knew that somehow she'd broken something precious. But, she conceded, he'd broken it first. His shoulders were hunched awkwardly. Protectively. He still refused to meet her eyes. Emma's heart clenched painfully.

"Emma," he finally breathed, almost sounding like a beg, "Emma, why are you so offended? It was only kiss." he finally met her eyes, and he looked so hurt. So lost. It only made Emma feel worse. But she still was angry and his words only made it worse. She was beginning to wonder if maybe after all these years he didn't really know her after all.

"That's just it," she tried to keep her voice steady, void of anger. When it cracked she felt tears coming to her eyes because it was just too much. She couldn't do this with him. With anyone. "That's just it Killian because how dare you say that," her voice was getting softer and shakier, and his eyes were glued to hers. Attentive, "How can you say it's 'only a kiss'?" she finished slowly, trying to swallow the lump rising in her throat. His brow furrowed.

"Love, I-" he began, but she didn't want to hear anymore. She couldn't. She knew what else there was to say and she didn't want him to even go there.

"Stop," she said, shaking her head. "Just… go."

Pain crept into his eyes, but he didn't move. "No," he answered slowly. Emma cursed under her breath and started to turn away from him, but he caught her shoulder in his hand. "Emma, no," he repeated, "I didn't mean-"

"Everyone knows about Milah, Killian," she snapped, turning back on him angrily. "Bae knows, his father knows, the whole damn town knows," she paused, trying to swallow what she knew was coming, but completely unable. She'd let her anger and hurt wallow for far too long. It wasn't recent. It'd been a good year now. And she finally was done just keeping it to herself. "Couldn't you have just let them be and let them enjoy the time they had left with her? For once in your life could you have thought about someone other than yourself!?"

She'd rendered him speechless. She'd finally done it. The pain in his eyes seemed to cloud his vision, but Emma slowly realized it wasn't pain, not directly. It was tears. They were rolling down his cheeks now. Slowly at first, but then with more force. More and more at once, cascading down his face. Emma was taken by surprise, and subconsciously took a step back. Away. And he didn't try to shorten the distance.

"I-" his voice broke off and suddenly he was sobbing. He tried to hide it but eventually gave up. Stood there awkwardly, shoulders shaking.

Emma wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to yell at him and she wanted him to hurt the way she did. But she didn't want to see her best friend cry. Her heart was aching and she wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay. But it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. Nothing. So she stood awkwardly by, watching him fall to pieces until she simply couldn't take it anymore.

"I…" she took a small and hesitant step towards him, then paused. She hated herself for giving in, but she reached to him, gently touching his shoulder. "Killian, I'm sorry."

He slowly shook his head, taking a deep breath and somehow swallowing his tears. The tears Emma somehow knew he would never let anyone but her see. It took him a moment, but he finally raised his head to look at her. The occasional tear still rolled down his cheek, but he was in control now.

"You aren't sorry," he said simply, voice hoarse. She started to protest but he interrupted. "You aren't, don't try to lie to me. And you shouldn't be." His eyes met hers, a loneliness she'd never seen shading them.

"I'm not sorry about what I said," she conceded slowly, carefully, "But I'm sorry it hurt you."

"Don't bother, Swan," he laughed dryly, brushing past her. Her hand fell back to her side and she bit her lip, turning to watch as he slowly lowered himself to the ground, leaning back against the tree she'd been clinging to. He tilted his head back until it hit the bark, eyes closed. Resigned. Emma stood watching. Debating whether or not she should leave. Wanting to leave but being unable to. Something was pulling her nearer to her friend. She couldn't leave him looking so broken.

Her feet led her closer to him, heart pounding, and she cautiously knelt beside him, then leaned back into the tree.

"Are you upset because I brought it up or because you thought I didn't know?" she couldn't help herself. The opposite of helpful, what her mother always accused her of when she raided the kitchens. That was what she always was.

"Bloody hell Swan," he muttered, "Not everything is about you." A strange pain jolted her heart and she felt her shoulders tighten. She fully expected him to go silent, to ignore her as she deserved. So she was shocked when he spoke again. "It was selfish," she could hear tears choking his voice again, "It was and I regret it but that's selfish, too."

She turned her head to face his, eyebrows furrowing slightly. He was already looking at her, and their noses were just a breath away. It reminded her of when they were children, running rampant through the castle halls all day only to fall asleep beside each other under a table or behind a curtain. How he always woke up before her and poked her until she woke up slapping at him. Or if he didn't wake up how her parents would find them and move them to a less conspicuous hiding spot. And how she'd always wake up looking into those blue eyes.

"I… I know it was wrong. She's my mate's mum, after all. But it didn't start as anything, Emma. I swear it didn't."

He wasn't lying. She could tell that much. And part of her was screaming for attention, reminding her they hadn't even known Bae when it began. But she didn't want to hear the voice because she didn't want him to have an excuse. He was wrong, and he needed to know it.

The tears were dripping down his face again and it made Emma want to leave all over again. She didn't want to be a part of his breakdown and she didn't want to be the one that he finally told everything to. But in the same way she knew he needed her and she wanted him to need her. She knew it was selfish and she knew that she should do it because it was Killian. It was her Killian and her best friend and friends do things for each other that make them uncomfortable because that's what they're there for. But she could hardly stomach it.

"You know how his father is, Emma," he defended gently, "She… she was lonely and I don't know how it happened but…" his voice broke off and there was that fear again. "I fell for her, Emma." he finally breathed, so quietly she almost thought she was hearing things. She wanted to be hearing things.

"And still you kissed me," she finally managed, trying to laugh. But it wouldn't come out, and instead she just blew air from her nose and smiled sadly.

"She's dead," he snapped, "She's gone." He turned away from her angrily. She knew she shouldn't have circled it back to her. She should have just listened. But she also was, of course, the opposite of helpful.

"Well you're clearly still in love with her," Emma managed. But she couldn't look away from him. His jawbone was set hard, the way it alway was when she made him angry. But today was different.

His confession she assumed was supposed to make her feel better. Or at least explain things to her. It had only made things worse and she felt so empty. Like something had been snatched from deep inside of her. Like not only had he ruined their friendship by kissing her, but taken himself back entirely while he was at it. Now he was shaking his head. Slowly, then with more conviction.

"Don't you ever wonder why I'd ever end up there in the first place, love?" his voice was gentler and raw and frightened. He slowly turned back towards her.

She had a snarky and defensive answer on her tongue but the regret in his eyes made her swallow it hard. She hesitated. She didn't want him to hurt anymore, and she couldn't hurt him anymore.

"It's…" she paused, "It's none of my business," her eyes flickered away from his. Looking anywhere but at him. Which was hard. He let out a slow breath of air.

She was scared of what would come out of his mouth if she'd only just listen.

"I apologize," he said under his breath instead. Like it was painful. But then his tone shifted, more genuine. "Emma, I apologize for everything. For Milah, for kissing you. Please. I don't want to lose you."

She finally allowed her eyes to peer back into his, and she couldn't take that fear anymore. She felt tears coming on so instead of answering she curled against his shoulder, burying her face into the worn material of his shirt. He'd left his jacket at the bar, but she liked it better that way. So she could smell him rather than fish and the seas. And he did smell like the sea. But he also smelt like the sweet hay from his mattress and like the rum he'd started drinking so regularly and like her lavender soap that after spending his whole life with her had rubbed permanently into all of his clothing. He wrapped his arm tightly around her burying his lips into her hair. She could still taste him on her own lips and she'd never tell him but she liked it. She liked it so much more than she knew she should.

She dragged her legs to her chest, hugging them to her and leaning against Killian, staring at his feet and then closing her eyes. She didn't want to lose him either.

"Don't ever kiss me again," she warned quietly, despite how it made her heart pound angrily in her chest. If that's what it took not to lose him, she would make herself be okay with it.

"As you wish." he answered into her hair. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"And Kil… I… I'm sorry about Milah." she added. She felt him tense at first, but then he let out a deep breath. It wasn't lost on Emma that she was likely the first and the last person he'd hear it from.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two days since the night at the bar and Emma now had herself convinced that it was all due to complete and thorough drunkness. Killian was drunk, so he kissed her. She was drunk, so she overworked the whole thing. She didn't even really like to be that close to him. She'd over imagined the taste of his lips and she'd over imagined wanting more. None of it could have meant anything because clearly they'd both been too drunk to function.

Tink didn't agree.

She'd been hounding Emma since then. Asking her about what went on. In detail. Pressing her for more. And more. Giving her those damn looks that said that she definitely wasn't saying everything she wanted to. Emma tried to tell her that it was pointless, that they'd all been drunk. And Tink still tried to convince her otherwise.

Currently, they were sitting around Emma's room. Or rather, Tink was sitting around. Emma was pacing angrily. The rain out the window was coming down in sheets, as was her sanity. She wasn't one for the indoors even on her best days. So when rain meant missing her sword fighting lesson she certainly was running low on patience. Add that Tink had been hounding her with looks all morning and she was on her very last straw. Which she seemed to be on constantly lately.

"Have you spoken to Killian?" Tink asked, lying back on Emma's bed at just the right angle not to see the icy glare Emma threw her way. She didn't want to talk about it anymore and she didn't want to hear about it anymore. The whole damn night was a big fat mistake and Tink wouldn't let it go. "Ignoring me won't make me go away," she sung, and Emma rolled her eyes, continuing her impatient pace.

"It might," she mumbled under her breath.

"Well?" Emma rolled her eyes at the fairy's insistence.

"Sure," she finally muttered, shrugging and hoping hard that she would drop it. No such luck. 

"And?" Tink pressed. Emma sighed loudly, stopping her pacing to turn and face her friend.

"What do you want me to say?" she snapped, regretting losing her patience immediately. Tink's face fell and she stared at her fingers. "Look…" Emma paused, trying to think of the right words but coming up empty. She sighed again, softer now. "Killian is my best friend, Tink." She knew it was weak even before Tink rolled her eyes, popping to her feet. She crossed the room, standing just in front of Emma. "Tink-" she began to protest.

"Shh," Tink answered. She studied Emma's face carefully, then spoke slowly. "If Knave kissed you, what would you do?"

"Ew," Emma looked at Tink like she had three heads. She might as well have, for what she was saying. "He wouldn't."

"Okay, fair point…" Tink muttered. "But say he was drunk and Ruby…" she paused, then seemed to throw her cares in the air, "Ruby dared him."

Emma was annoyed but decided to humor the fairy, running the scenario over in her mind quickly. She answered without much thought. "I'd punch him."

Tink raised her eyebrows pointedly, and Emma just stared at her friend.

"What's your point, fairy?" she asked. She was fairly certain her friend was losing her mind.

"You didn't punch Killian," she noted carefully. Emma took a small step back. Tink's eyebrows were still raised, as if she knew something Emma didn't. Cautious curiosity was in the depths of her expression.

"I shoved him," she mumbled in her defense. Tink rolled her eyes. "What are you trying to prove!?" Emma finally cried. She was beyond losing her patience. Another bang of thunder reverberated through her ears and she could hear the rain falling harder.

"Emma…" Tink sighed softly, "Don't you think you might have feelings for Killian? Besides friendship?"

Emma felt herself freeze. Of course she didn't. She couldn't, she knew better. But the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't the most convincing response. She'd been drunk, dammit.

"N-no!" she forced the words across her lips, "Don't be an idiot," she added with more conviction.

Tink was staring at her with a smug smirk that Emma didn't like one bit. She was suddenly so angry at the rain for choosing such a horrible time and being so unrelenting. She needed an out, desperately. All she could think about was how her lips had tasted that night, and she was trying to brush it off and to think of other things but she couldn't. She couldn't.

"Why haven't you spoken to him?" Tink countered, raising a single eyebrow. The fairy was so damn good at catching her in a lie, it was ridiculous.

"We just haven't seen each other, it's not a big deal!" Emma answered, almost frantically. She didn't realize it, but she'd taken another small step back.

"Love shouldn't frighten you," Tink was beginning to look genuinely fearful for Emma, or perhaps Emma's sanity. And Emma was fairly sure her sanity was near gone. She wasn't scared. She wasn't scared of anything. Not ogres or crusaders or even dragons, so she certainly wasn't scared of love.

Emma was frantically searching for a comeback, any comeback, when there was a sudden sharp knock on the door. Both of the girls jumped a bit, turning to face it. Grumpy stood there, and for a moment Emma was flooded with relief. But the expression on his face was anything but something to be relieved about. She was used to her uncle's nose being turned up slightly in his usual Grumpy aura, but now it wasn't. Worried wrinkles framed his eyes that were set with a scary sadness that she hadn't known the dwarf was even capable of feeling.

"W-what is it?" she asked cautiously. She almost didn't want to know. Frightening scenarios were running through her mind. Her father taken out by a dragon, the evil queen casting a curse on her mother… Killian trying to take a monster he simply couldn't handle alone.

"Princess, Lady Bell.." he bowed stiffly, eyes never leaving Emma.

"Grumpy, what is it?" she repeated, more firmly now. She could feel Tink's tenseness beside her.

"You need to come with me, Princess," was all he replied, turning slightly and motioning her along.

Her heart dropped, imagining her parents in coffins or Killian torn to shreds. Why hadn't she spoken to Killian? Who knew where he was, what he'd gotten himself into. She cautiously took another step, hesitant to learn what had happened. But with each step she became more and more frightened, until she was practically running through the halls. Grumpy kept calling for her to slow down but she knew the way to her fathers study without him.

When she finally reached the big wooden door she threw it open without even knocking. Her father was across the room, pacing slowly and staring out the window. When he heard the door fly open his head snapped towards it, hand automatically reaching for the hilt of his sword. But when he saw it was only his daughter, his whole form loosened.

"Emma…" he began, but she interrupted.

"What is it?" she ordered, voice shaking. It wasn't her mother, she'd be able to tell by the grief on his face. It had to be Killian. "What happened to him?"

"Emma, settle down," her father said softly. He was watching her carefully and her breath kept catching miserably in her throat because she just needed to know.

"Father, I-" she began, focusing on keeping her voice firm. It continued to shake anyway.

"Nothing happened to him," he answered carefully, "Not directly."

"Just tel-" she tried.

"Emma I'm trying to tell you," he said with enough force to shut her mouth but enough kindness to calm her racing heart, just a bit. "Killian is okay," he paused, studying her carefully with his serious blue eyes. "It's Liam."

Oh.

_ Oh._

"Oh no…" she breathed softly.

Liam was Killian's elder brother. When the sailors first brought back the two frail and dirtied boys, they'd been inseparable. Lost boys, they'd called themselves. And when Killian had first befriended Emma, Liam had always been there too. Following them on their escapades on occasion, or staying back and warning Killian not to get in trouble. And if Liam said it, Killian listened. There was no one in the world Killian listened to like he listened to his brother. He'd occasionally tell Emma snippets of stories. How Liam had always protected him and how he fed him and cared for him. He rarely told Emma much about his past but Emma knew enough to know Liam had been the only good part of it, and the only reason he'd gotten out alive.

Her father was saying something about his last trip. He'd taken a job in a neighboring kingdom because they had more to offer to a captain than Emma's kingdom. The crusade they'd been hiring a crew for had a bigger payoff. Her father of course didn't force any of his sailors to stay loyal to his kingdom. In fact, he'd encouraged Liam to find a job that would pay him well enough to have a life, to support Killian through his apprenticeship. He had always cared about the boys, and only now did it occur to Emma that he cared for them because she did.

"-they had to leave." he finished slowly, "Of course, there's still hope. He could still be alive there… The crew simply couldn't wait any long-"

"How can you say that?" Emma asked slowly. Tears were filling her eyes and she had to fight not to scream at her father for how stupid his words were. How dumb he was being.

"Say what?" he asked, still speaking slowly. Carefully.

"That there is hope!" her voice was shaking and she was trying to keep from losing it but she couldn't. She couldn't.

Killian without Liam simply wasn't right.

"Emma, there's always hope," he answered, brow furrowing as he watched her.

"Did you tell Killian that?" she asked, heart pounding. Praying he didn't. Her head was spinning.

"Of course."

She took off immediately without hardly having to think, fumbling with the door and then just running. Her father was yelling after her but she hardly heard. How much time had she wasted already? All she knew was that she needed to get to the docks. She needed to get to the docks.

She raced through the halls, only the sound of her boots of stone echoing behind her. Once or twice she thought she heard her name, but she just kept going. She vaguely wondered if the guards would let her by but she brushed it off. She'd make them let her by because she needed to get to the docks before he got away. That was the only clear thought making it through her clouded mind. She wasn't going to lose him like this.

She made it to the front doors and threw them open and just kept running, not even giving the guards enough time to react. Her lungs were burning and her head was spinning and now rain was pouring through her hair and her clothes. It soaked into her braid and her white blouse clung to her skin and she was faintly aware that it was becoming see-through but her black bodice was enough to make her not care.

Rain was dripping into her eyes and everything around her was grey but she could only run and run and keep running blindly in the direction of the docks. She usually avoided them like the plague and the thought of all the endless water reaching greedily for the shore and for her made her stomach feel sick but she needed to get there. She needed to get to Killian.

She could make out shadows of ships now, and she could hear the crashing waves. The smell of fish and salty air nearly suffocated her. The sea was beautiful, but not like this. Not this close and not in this storm. Her heart pounded and she gasped for air and she paused a moment but no longer.

"Killian?!" she cried, stepping out on to the dock. Carefully. Her boots slipped a bit on the slimy salt-stained wood. She could faintly see a shadow of someone else in the distance, and it had to be him. No one else would be on the dock in this storm. No one else would be on the dock, much less preparing the raggedy old sailboat that was his pride and joy. Thunder boomed and an angry wave crashed beside her on the dock, spraying her with ocean salt. She was shivering and every part of her was drenched. The water had even gotten through the toughened leather of her pants and she felt stiff. But she forced herself to take another cautious step, and another. The sounds of wind and rain and waves and persistent thunder roared in her ears, and for a moment all she saw was endless grey. Then there was a shadow of a face. Then Killian.

She couldn't see much but she could see he'd been crying. She could see the pain in his eyes and the dark lines on either side of them. The twinkle that was always there, always a part of him, was gone. His black hair was still a mess but now clung to his forehead and in his eyes. His expression was solemn, and almost angry.

"What are you doing here!?" he had to yell to be heard over the storm, but Emma thought he probably would have yelled at her anyway. He didn't want her here to stop him. It was greedy of her to want to stop him and she knew it. But she couldn't let him go blindly into this, into anything. And she couldn't imagine letting him go without saying goodbye. She knew he was angry with her and he had a right to be, but still there was a hint of concern in those ridiculous eyes of his.

"I…" she wasn't sure. Now that she was here and standing with him she didn't know what she was supposed to tell him. Why it was so important she got here before he left. But here she was, standing at the single place that frightened her most in the world. Speaking to him like she'd so desperately needed. "I…"

He shook his head slowly, stepping nearer to her as the wind grew stronger. She was shivering uncontrollably now.

"Go back to your castle, princess. The dock is no place for a royal, and certainly not during a storm," he began to turn away from her, disappointment settling in his eyes. She hesitated, took a deep breath and grabbed his shoulder. He slowly turned back around.

"You can't go," she said, trying to yell but losing her guts. He motioned at his ears and she sighed angrily, stepping closer to him, "You can't leave me!" she yelled, a breath from his ear. The wind was whipping around her hair that wasn't trapped in her braid, and it stung when wet lock met skin. But she ignored it, focusing her remaining attention on Killian. Killian and the set sadness in his eyes. The sadness and, what was worse, the hope.

"I have to, Swan!" he answered, still yelling, "I can't bloody leave him!"

Emma was shaking her head, feeling her frustration billowing. "How do you know he's even alive still!" she cried, silently cursing her father for feeding him such unrealistic hope. Killian's brow furrowed slightly.

"He is," shook his head, slowly then with more force, "He's not dead."

The wind whistled and Emma automatically moved closer to him.

"Killian you-" she began angrily, and he interrupted.

"You think he's dead?" he realized, shaking his head slowly. She could have sworn he was starting to grin. "He's in Neverland, Emma!" he shouted, and now a crazy smile lit up his face. The smile frightened Emma. He was nearly laughing, and his whole face was lit up brighter. The rain dripped down his cheeks and his forehead and his nose and he should've be mourning but he was smiling.

"And he's lost!" she answered, reaching for his arm and grasping it tightly. Trying to force some hint of sense into her friend. He had completely lost his mind.

"Yes!" this time he did laugh, and she wanted to shake him for being such an idiot. But she could only stare at him, confused and shocked and a little hurt. He stared at her a moment and then shook his head. "Emma, love, Neverland!" he paused as if waiting for her. "Neverland, where your bloody sailors found us!" his face solemned a bit as he tried to explain. And slowly it was sinking in.

"So… You think he's alive because… Because you lived there?" she asked cautiously. She still wasn't sure whether or not he'd lost his mind.

"Yes!" he answered immediately, nodding, "He is, Emma. And I've got to save him this time," he added carefully. Another huge wave crashed dangerously close to them and Emma ducked away. She slipped a bit but Killian caught her shoulders, holding her upright. Staring at her with those damn blue eyes of his.

And she believed him.

But that didn't mean she was okay with him leaving her.

"Killian, just wait," she begged softly, "Let… Let my father send out a search crew," she suggested, and he squeezed her shoulders gently, shaking his head slowly, "Let him take care of it!" she argued over his motions.

"I can't, lass," he answered slowly. She shivered again from the cold and he rubbed his calloused hands gently up and down her arms. "Emma, I have to do this."

"My father can-" she tried again but he just kept shaking his head. She was trying desperately not to cry. She couldn't cry in front of him. Then pulled her into a tight embrace. She automatically melted against his chest, faintly noting that he was just as soaked as she. But his body was warm and she clung to him. She didn't want him to go. She never wanted him to go. And she was crying anyway, her head pressed to his shoulder. She hoped he didn't know but she knew he did. There was never a time he didn't know.

He held her a while longer and then slowly let go, holding her out in front of him. A sad smirk was on his lips. Thunder cracked through the air and Emma could have sworn it began raining even harder.

"If I'd have known all it'd take to get you on the dock was leaving, I would've done it a while ago, love," he teased and she tried not to laugh through her tears but she couldn't hold back a choked chuckle. He'd done everything every day since they were young to get her to face her fear, to step out on the docks, and never had her stubborness failed her. Not until today.

"Please don't leave," she tried again, but he shook his head slowly. The rain was flooding her vision again so she couldn't see him. Or perhaps it was tears, she couldn't be sure anymore. "How will you get there?" she asked. He just smiled sadly.

"I have my ways, love," he assured her quietly.

He started to turn away from her, but then paused. Her heart jumped when he cautiously turned back around. The wind was tousling even his hair now and it seemed like all of him was moving but his eyes. His eyes never left hers. They looked broken, but she was used to that by now. What was new was a slight twinkle. Not his devious twinkle either. Something new and something that felt very, very personal.

She was already cold again but she hardly noticed through the spinning of her head. And he was moving cautiously towards her again. Rain was soaking his face and now he was close enough that she could see even his eyelashes were clinging together from the water. She felt her eyes drift from his, peering down at his lips. He hesitated then he was right in front of her and she caught another small glimpse of that twinkle in his blue eyes just before they were on top of her and hers drifted closed as his lips met hers.

For just a moment she was frozen. Stuck between wanting him and not wanting to lose him. But she was losing him no matter what. And so she let herself go. Let herself lean into him and kiss him back. One of her hands slipped into his soaked mess of hair, fingers tangling through the unruly black locks. At first he hesitated, maybe surprised that she was kissing him or maybe just thining, she wasn't sure. But then he wrapped his arms around her, one hand settling on the small of her back, the other cradling her head.

Emma's mind was clouded as his soft lips moved gently with hers. Cautious but refined. Holding himself back. She was holding herself back, too. Clearly not enough, since she was kissing him. But she couldn't think anything through and all she knew was that she liked it. She liked the way she fit in his arms and she liked that she could faintly taste him through the saltwater drenching them both and she liked how she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. She liked the way he needed her, for once, as much as she needed him. The thunder that surrounded them seemed constant now, an endless rumble of varying intensities.

He leaned deeper into the kiss for just a moment, almost frantically, but then she broke it. Bent her head away from him. Tried to breath what little air around them that wasn't rain and water. She cautiously faced him again, gently rested her forehead on his and just stared into his eyes that were sad and happy at the same time. Watched the rain continue to flow down his face. His hand gently pressed against her back a second longer, then he pulled away entirely, nose brushing hers. Her hand fell from his hair to her side, and he leaned back just a moment to cautiously brush his lips across her forehead.

"Emma…" he began, but she interrupted before he said anything either of them would regret.

"Come back." she breathed. She knew he couldn't hear her voice over the crashing waves and roaring wind, but he read her lips. His face fell a bit, but he nodded once.

She watched until she could only see his faint silhouette against the storm. It was stupid to set sail in this weather, but she knew if anyone could do it, it was Killian. He had his boat prepped already, and now only had to release it from the moor. Her heart just kept sinking lower and lower and she didn't want to watch him. She didn't want to watch him leave her. She slowly began to turn around and away. He was detaching it from the dock now and her heart pounded.

He was leaving, after everything.

It was as she stepped back towards the safety of the shore that it happened. She misstepped slightly, boot slipping, at the same moment a resounding bang of thunder threw her senses in a twist and the biggest wave yet crashed over the dock. Her balance went entirely and her stomach flipped wildly. She didn't know which way to lean or what to grab for and she was falling.

It felt like she fell for 5 minutes, when in reality it couldn't have been more than 5 seconds. Every breath was another failed attempt to just freeze everything. She heard screaming and it didn't even occur to her that it was herself. When she finally hit the water there was no air left in her lungs. She gasped, but swallowed water instead, choking. Everything was water. She pawed frantically at the cold surface, kicking and kicking and kicking…

And sinking.

Her heart couldn't seem to decide between racing or slowing. it would pound frantically, then stop. She was very aware of her heartbeat. Her whole existence felt like a heartbeat. Pounding and pounding and pounding at her skin. Her lungs were burning and she was still struggling against the water but her heart pounded ever harder when she realized she no longer knew which way was up. The cold intensity pressed in on her from all sides and she slowly began to realize she was going to die.


	3. Chapter 3

She was going to die in the water simply because she'd always been too afraid and too stubborn to just let Killian teach her to swim.

And then all she could think about was Killian. She felt something closing in around her and she wondered bemusedly if it was death. Her head hurt like nothing else and damn it she wasn't ready to die. She wished she'd kissed Killian more. She couldn't taste him on her lips in the ocean.

The thing around her had control of her. At first she struggled against it but then all her strength was gone and she gave in to it. Let it drag her…

And suddenly there was air. She faintly realized it and at first she forgot to breath.

"Emma!" a voice choked beside her. His voice.

Her lungs. Her lungs were burning. For a moment she struggled with how to respond, but then her body finally caught up with her and she found herself choking. 

She needed air and her head was spinning but her lungs were calmly taking control, forcing the water she'd inhaled out. The moment she stopped choking, she started gasping. She felt the air circulate her body and her head slowly came back to her. She found control of her limbs and all she could do was struggle in the dirt and pull herself nearer to him. She was so drenched now that she didn't even notice the rain or the waves or anything but him.

He was sitting up and breathing deeply, eyes closed. Slouched slightly over her and shaking, but not from the cold. He was holding her so tightly that she wondered how she was breathing at all.

"Killian?" she whispered, hoping he could hear her. He took another deep breath, and slowly opened his eyes.  
"God, Emma," he muttered, then gently smirked in spite of himself, "When I said you ought to learn to swim I certainly didn't envision you doing it in this weather."

Emma's head was still spinning and her lungs still burned but she let herself laugh. It hurt, and she stopped, but she kept smiling, folding her head against his chest. His arms wrapped even tighter around her and he shook his head a bit. She tried not to think of how close it was. How if she'd fallen a step earlier or screamed a shade louder or struggled a bit harder… She pressed her head closer to him and she wanted to be closer to him.

The rain seemed to be slowing, and Emma could hear noises of other people. Pounding feet and worried shouts… A moment later her father fell to his knees beside them.

"Y-your majesty…" Killian shifted uncomfortably, trying to look as gentlemanly as he could without letting go of Emma. She wouldn't let him let go of her. "I uh…"

"I fell in," Emma interrupted, voice weak. She coughed a little, lungs not prepared for the force of speaking. There was another small boom of thunder, but it was well in the distance. The sun was beginning to come out. "I was being an idiot and I fell in and Killian…" she almost choked but kept going, "saved me." she forced all the words out in one go before breaking into another fit of coughing. Her lungs wouldn't stop burning.

Her fathers eyes were wide and he reached out to touch her forehead, brush some hair from her eyes. But he made no move to pull her from Killian's arms. He stared into Killian's eyes a moment, but then quickly rose to his feet.

"I'll get Doc," he said. His eyes were full of worry, but there was a touch of something else— trust.

As her father disappeared, Emma pushed herself just off of Killian, just for a moment. Looking up at him.

"I'll ask him to get you a crew," she said softly, as well as she could without coughing again, "I'll do that, but only if you'll let me come."

Killian's brow furrowed a bit, clearly worried. He opened his mouth to say no, but Emma interrupted.

"I'll come no matter what," she clarified, giving him her firmest glare, "I'm just letting you choose whether to help me or be a roadblock."

He just stared at her a moment, and then slowly shook his head.

"We can talk about this later, lass," he said softly. Then they were crowded by the dwarves and Emma's father and somewhere along the line Killian got whisked one way and she the other.

_

Later that same day after a thorough fix up by Doc, Emma headed back towards her fathers office. Grumpy had come to check on her, and informed her that her father wanted to speak with her as soon as she was certified alright. She was nervous, well aware that she was likely in more trouble than she cared to consider. She took the long way and walked slowly, glancing out every window. The sun was beginning to set now, and it was beautiful. Especially after being so sure she'd never see a sunset again.

When she did reach the big wooden door, she didn't rush in as she had earlier. She paused, taking a deep breath. She could hear gentle voices on the other side. One was her father… And the other was definitely Killian. She couldn't make out any words, and someone was bound to walk by at any moment. So she let out the breath she'd been holding and carefully turned the door handle, entering the room slowly.

Her father stood in the middle of the room but she hardly saw him. Her eyes went past him, to the big red armchair where Killian sat up straight and clearly uncomfortably, in clothes she'd never seen before. She hadn't seen him since she was taken away at the ocean, and she hadn't had enough oxygen then to make out the little things. Like how there were red scratches down his cheek that had to be from her struggling. And how his left shoulder slouched a bit, like he'd bruised it or pulled something.

She wanted to run to him and hug him and part of her even wanted to kiss him again. But now she was frightened. Scared to push things too far. What they'd done at the dock… It had been a result of so many wild variables that she wasn't sure even made it count. Not anymore, at least. And her father was watching her so closely and now she wasn't even sure what to do.

"Father," she curtseyed slightly, forcing her gaze from Killian back to the King. Trying to force normality.

"Emma," his stern eyes lightened and he stepped to her, wrapping her into his arms in a tight embrace. She hugged him back, breathing in the warmth that was so comforting. But her nerves still bit at her. There was no way she wasn't in trouble. "Sit down," he said gently into her hair, and reluctantly released her.

She automatically headed for the chair, the space beside Killian. Usually she'd sit practically on top of him, poking at him behind his back and trying to make him laugh and get him in even more trouble. It certainly wasn't the first time they'd been in the puffy chair together getting lectured by her father. But suddenly sitting so close to him felt strange and wrong and part of her was worried that the closer she was to Killian, the more obvious it would be what had happened between them.

So her path slowly redirected to the hard wooden chair, between her fathers desk and the red armchair. She sat slowly, trying not to notice the hurt confused look on Killian's face. But when she stared back at her father even he had an eyebrow slightly raised. He glanced between the two a moment. At first his mouth hung open a bit as if he was going to say something, but then he took a breath and closed his mouth and wiped his face of all emotion besides the serious anger that actually did frighten Emma a bit.

"I'd like to hear your side of things," he turned his full attention to Emma and she felt her heart skip a beat. "You know the drill, I've already heard Killian's."

She swallowed hard. Her father liked to pull this on them. He seemed to figure that if the two hadn't had the time to practice a cover story he'd get the truth, and if they had the details would be in too much unison and he'd be able to tell. He figured correctly, because they'd never been able to hide a single thing from him. Emma glanced at Killian in a way she hoped was discreet, but knew wasn't. He wouldn't have told him, would he? But Killian was staring angrily at his feet. Emma quickly looked back to her father, whose eyebrows were raised.

Technically, she'd done nothing wrong. Save running off and ignoring his calls after her. And the dock was out-of-bounds, he'd once said, without asking his permission. So maybe she'd broken a couple rules. But still… Her father couldn't know about Killian. She wasn't sure why but she was terrified at the thought. Of him or of anyone knowing.

She finally took a deep breath, forcing herself to hold her fathers hard gaze.

"I got scared, when you said that Liam may still be alive," she began honestly, voice shaking a little.

It angered her, that her voice was shaking. It made her words sound like a lie. Her father nodded, though, egging her on in her story.

"I knew that if Killian thought he was alive, he'd try to go off after him. And I thought that… That if he left…" She would lose him. That's what she'd been worried about. She'd been greedy and ignorant and tried to stop him for herself. Her voice was breaking and she wanted to keep going but the story just kept gaining weight on her tongue.

"She was afraid my ship would sink," Killian spoke up, gently at first but then with more command. Emma's head snapped towards him, knowing her father could potentially get angry. Filling in the holes of the others story was generally greatly frowned upon, she knew from years of being the one to fill in his story. And she could see that he was scared, that it took a lot for him to actually speak out of turn to the king. But he held her fathers gaze with a determined strength that she didn't see that often from him. And her father didn't question it. He nodded once at Killian, then glanced back at Emma. She could hardly breath. He still refused to meet her eyes, staring at his hands, his boots, anywhere but at her.

"Yes…" Emma finally managed. She tore her gaze from her friend. "So I ran down to the docks because I knew he had to be there and he was…" she paused. He was and she'd done a lot more than beg him to stay. "I was running too fast and I slipped and, well," she paused, meeting her fathers eyes, "You know the rest."

His gaze was quizzical, as if he knew something was missing. She wrung her fingers as she stared at him. Praying Killian had been vague enough that his story lined up.

"That took an awfully long time, for you to just run and slip," he finally countered carefully.

"It was hard to see the way in the rain," she answered easily, eyes never leaving her fathers. He sighed softly.

"Emma, you could have told me," he shook his head gently, and she bit her lip. She did feel guilty, knowing she'd scared him and knowing she'd been a brat about it. But the only thing that mattered was that the tension was leaving her. He didn't know.

"I just… I didn't think," she said honestly, trying to keep eye contact but feeling more ashamed every second. But she did still owe Killian… "Father?" she added, carefully. She peered up at him with caution, and was relieved to see that not a hint of anger remained in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Could… Could you send a crew to look for Liam?" she composed her face into her best look of concerned innocence. Her fathers face lightened entirely.

"Of course, Emma," he said gently, glancing at Killian and then back to her. "Give me just a couple days. I can get a small search party together, trade for the proper sail from Rumplestiltskin…"

Killian cleared his throat uncomfortably, and both Emma and her father glanced his way.

"I er… I have a sail," he muttered, holding the Kings gaze for a moment but then quickly looking to his feet. "I… borrowed it from the cro- Rumplestiltskin." he was shifting uncomfortably under their eyes, and Emma glanced back to her father for his reaction. His eyes fluttered closed and he let out a slow, pained noise, somewhere between a sigh and a moan.

"Did you steal his sail?" Emma realized aloud, then quickly covered her mouth with a hand. Killian looked up from his hands to give her the dirtiest glare she'd ever been on the recieving end of. She knew she should have been shut up by it, by she was only happy to finally have his attention again. So she dropped her hand to her lap and glared back. When it didn't seem to be enough she stuck her tongue out, too.

"Enough," her father scolded, and she quickly pulled her tongue back and turned her attention to him.

She'd forgotten she was supposed to be acting mature and ladylike. Sticking her tongue out wasn't going to get her on the voyage. Her father was massaging his temples and she was pretty sure they'd finally pushed him to the breaking point when he spoke again, voice gentler than she'd anticipated.

"I'll figure things out with Rumplestiltskin. In the meantime, you'll need to take an order to the docks for me, to start getting things together. So long as Rumple is understanding-" Emma nearly snorted, but managed to hold back, "We still ought to be on our way in a couple days time."

"Your majesty," Killian spoke up carefully, "I know I haven't yet completed my apprenticeship… But I believe I know Neverland better than any other sailor in the realm, and I certainly know my brother better. With your permission I'd like-"

"Of course you can go along, Killian," Charming nodded, "It isn't my place to stop you from going after your own flesh and blood. I'd be more concerned if you didn't."

Emma took the moment to toss her own request, hoping it might just blend right in with Killian's. Liam was practically family, anyway.

"And I?" she said the words with much more confidence than she felt, especially when her father turned back to her with a raised eyebrow.

"You'll stay right here," he said cautiously, like he was afraid it was a trick question.

"But father, I can help!" she cried defiantly.

"No, you can't. Neverland is dangerous, and you're still just a chi-"

"I'm 19!" she growled, rising to her feet, "Killian is only 3 years my elder, and I've had much more training! if he can go, I ought to be allowed!"

"Emma, you're the princess," her father was clearly fighting to keep his voice contained, "And more importantly my daughter. Today, falling in the ocean, that's proof enough you aren't ready. The day will come for you to lead an adventure, but that day is not today."

"So you're proposing we just send Killian back where he came from with no one to make sure he comes back home?" she felt the urge to glance back at him, see his reactions. But she refused to.

"He'll be with a crew of some of my best men, none of whom will rest their guard or swords," he answered. She knew the set of his brow. The firmness of his gaze. He wasn't going to bend, not on this one. Which was alright with her. She'd just have to take it into her own hands. "We're done here," he finally added with much more ease.

Killian was already on his feet. When he reached the door he turned to offer a bow to her father. But he still refused to meet her eyes. Her anger was bubbling up inside of her, higher and hotter with each passing second. She only offered her father half a nod as she followed Killian. The moment the door shut behind her she moved more swiftly. He was only a few paces ahead of her, and she reached out and easily snagged his wrist. He didn't even try to pull away.

"What the hell?" she hissed under her breath as he slowly turned to face her. Staring at the floor tiles now. "Killian, I'm up here!" she snapped, trying to keep her voice low. She could hear footsteps approaching and she didn't want to be interrupted by some maid or one of the dwarves or even her mother. Beside her was a door and as the footsteps got louder and closer she made a snap decision, turning the handle and slipping in, pulling Killian behind her. He followed with ease, door closing behind him.

Save a couch covered in a white sheet the room was empty, as she'd anticipated. About three quarters of all the rooms in the castle were empty. Her parents simply had no use for them. So it was a safe bet that if Emma didn't know the room, it wasn't in use and likely hadn't been bothered with in decades if not centuries. The dust choking her now suggested the latter.

"Not that I don't love your spontaneity, Swan," Killian muttered dryly, "But I am rather curious as to why you've just dragged me into an abandoned room."

Swan. He was calling her Swan again. And he still hadn't looked her in the eye.

"Uh uh," she shook her head. The footsteps were loud now, passing. And then getting quieter again. "I'm the one who gets to ask the questions."

"Right," he answered, running a hand through his hair. He may have been trying to tidy it, but it only messed it up more. The mop of black hair fell back over his forehead and into his eyes, even sloppier (and more attractive, perhaps) than before. "I'd start asking then. If someone were to find us in here alone," he paused and he finally met her eyes, eyebrows raising suggestively, "Well, the rumors would be fierce, love." he smirked and she wanted to slap him for being such an idiot but she forced her hand to stay at her side. She took a deep breath, focusing her rage.

"Why didn't you back me up in there?" she asked. He was still looking at her. This was good. Progress.

"To be fair, I did save you from having to admit that you're deeply in love with me," he answered, voice as casual as if he were discussing the weather. His eyes were sparkling, but behind them there was something unusual. Something vulnerable. Emma felt her cheeks flame.

"I'm not in love with you, Jones," she muttered, cheeks still hot. His eyebrows shot up.

"Oh?" There was that vulnerability again, but it immediately sunk behind a flame of annoyance. "I'm fairly sure that kiss was more than a casual affair."

She inhaled sharply, then exhaled slowly. "I told you never to kiss me again."

That was the only damn defense she could think of. It was weak and he knew it, eyes dancing once again.

"You did kiss me too, love."

"What was I supposed to do!?" she finally cried, losing it entirely. "Damn you, Killian! How was I supposed to feel the right things or even freaking know what I was feeling!? You were bloody running away on me and leaving me, leaving me after everything! All I knew was that I was about to lose my best friend, that you were leaving and that what if you drowned? Or what if that monster that gave you all the scars, what if he finished the job this time? And what if Liam came back, but without you!? You're the one person who is literally the other piece to me because I've wasted every damn second of my life with you and you were leaving me! I don't know how to be me without you because I've never even been me without you and you were leaving me! You are the single person in all the realms who knows me including even me and you were leaving me! You were leaving me and it may have been selfish but I was terrified, Killian! And then you turn around and kiss me! So why don't you tell me if you're so damn smart, what the hell was I supposed to do!?"

Only after she'd finished and her voice was ringing in her ears did she realize she'd been yelling. That anyone and everyone could have and probably heard her and that now everyone knew and that she didn't care. She didn't care who knew anymore, because there was only one person it actually mattered to.

That fearful weak vulnerability in the back of Killian's eyes now seemed to have swallowed them whole, leaving only deep teary blue pools in it's wake. The echo of her voice finally wrung out, and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Their silences were never uncomfortable, but this one was. It was big and gaping and threatened to close around her and seal itself shut forever.

He was tense, she noted, and unmoving. Killian never stood completely still. Whether it was shifting feet or wiggling fingers, there was never a time when he didn't move in some way. Until now. It was as if all the life was drained from him. And for the second time in three days, he was speechless. But this time, Emma was terrified.

"Killian…" she amended, voice quieter now. His eyes flickered slightly, focusing in on hers, "Killian, if you think I don't love you that's ridiculous. It's terrifying, how much I need you-"

"Needing someone isn't the same as loving them, Emma," he interrupted. Voice so soft, so gentle, she hardly could believe it came from him.

"But-" she tried. Her heart felt like it was splitting. The brokeness in his eyes was gut wrenching.

"And as for your earlier query," he continued as if she hadn't spoken, "I didn't and will not take your side on coming to Neverland," he took a slow inhale, still studying her eyes. She was trying not to cry. That would make it more times in a week than in her whole life previous, and that would make her weak. No one had even died, it was unfair for her tears to be so redundant. "I don't want you hurt, Emma," his voice was still so gentle, "And Neverland will break you in every way imaginable, that I can promise."

"Killian-" she tried one last time. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry.

"I apologize, again, for kissing you," he said solemnly. His tone was strictly business. She felt as if he was speaking to Bae, or maybe her father. Not her. Never her. "I was hoping you felt the same."


	4. Chapter 4

_Big big thanks to Aereal for reading basically all of our stories and being so sweet. You're fantastic, thank you!_

_Also, thanks to kendraCs, Anna Sheridan, Clemences-are-so-sexy, FierceHooker, HookedonEmma, cassy1511, 1, phoward, shellybellypie, shophiescastle, Colinodonewithyou, Emyjr123, Jordy3333, LightOfTheValar, Tris97, butterfly67, candymanlover11, de28, ladyluck1155, and sos35 for reading!_

* * *

She kept her mind off Killian by planning her next step. Or, not really planning. She was working more along the lines of doing. Standing outside the front door of Baelfire's home. She'd just knocked and was trying to be brave, but it was no secret that Rumplestiltskin could kill her with a snap of his knobby thin fingers. All she knew was that she certainly didn't like bullies.

The door opened only a moment later, and Baelfire stood in the doorway.

"Hey Emma!" he greeted cheerily, and then shifted a bit, "Er, princess."

"Hey," she returned, offering him a smile. She liked him a lot. He was a good guy, they'd been close since his father moved them to town. But after Killian's affair and his mothers death, things had been, well, awkward. To say the least. Emma wasn't fond of awkward, so she kept her distance. But more than a bit of uncomfortableness was at stake now.

"Is something wrong?" Bae asked, genuine worry in his eyes. He shifted a little more, blocking the interior of his house from her prying eyes.

"It's nothing," she shrugged. She would have liked to talk to Bae, she really would have. But his concern for her was reminding her of Killian and his eyes and all the things she simply couldn't consider. She had real work to do. "I just…" she paused, meeting Bae's concerned brown eyes, "Is your father home?" she finally finished with a sigh.

He just stared at her a moment in shock.

"My… My father?" he finally repeated, eyebrows raising and concern only growing. Emma groaned and rolled her shoulders a bit.

"Yes," she muttered, "It's sorta… urgent."

"Oh…" he pulled his shoulders back, "I, uh…"

"Bae, is someone there?" Emma knew Rumplestiltskin's voice well. Bae sighed a bit, stepping aside to let her pass.

"Wait," he touched her shoulder as she brushed by, gently, but enough to make her halt. "Just… Be careful, alright?" he said softly. She nodded once to appease his worried eyes. But the truth was that she'd do anything.

Bae's home wasn't much in size, but it more than made up in contents. All sorts of knick-knacks of varying sizes and values lined every shelf, piling up. There was a hearth across the room and two beds the other way. There was a small table by the fire, and that's where Rumplestiltskin sat.

"Princess," he greeted with a flourish, rising to his feet and offering her a small bow. She returned it, unsure of exactly how to address The Dark One. "Have a seat," he offered. She jumped, as he was suddenly standing right beside her, pulling out a chair.

"I'd rather not," she answered, giving him a dry smile.

"Suit yourself, deary," he sung, reappearing in front of her again. "Bae, leave us now," he ordered, eyes never leaving Emma.

"Father-" Bae began, but Rumplestiltskin shushed him and sent him on his way in one small flick of his hand.

"I know why you're here, Princess," he smirked as the door shut softly. "I've been waiting." His voice had a sing-songiness to it that was truly terrifying. But Emma refused to be swayed.

"Alright then, you tell me," she shifted a bit, trying to look calm and contained. "What do I want?"

"A deal of course," he cackled. Emma started to speak up but he interrupted her, "A deal for the pegasus sail your beloved sailor stole." he seemed to perk up in excitement as her predicament met the light of day.

"He's not my sailor," was all she got in before he spoke again.

"It won't be cheap, my dear," he smirked at her. "That sailor lad, I would very much like him dead."

"I'm not killing Killian," she muttered simply, "Try again."

"No no deary, that's not the deal. That would be too easy. The heartbreak would be too short lived," she didn't like the twinkle that lit the imps eyes. "I'll give you the sail, and your dearly beloveds life," she had to bite her tongue not to correct him about Killian, "And as for your end of it…" he paused, holding a finger in the air between them, "Well, that's to be determined," he cackled. "But sometime, in the future, I will request something in return. And you… shall have to abide."

Emma's eyebrows shot up.

"So that's it, that's all?" she asked dubiously, "I just get the sail. No fine print. And then, if I come back alive, you'll get your end?"

"Oh, you'll come back alive," his eyes sparkled, "It's just a matter of the parts of you you'll lose along the way," his eyes sparkled, "He'll like you," he added, under his breath, certainly notfo rher to hear, "He'll like your spunk."

Now he was speaking gibberish and she was ready to leave before he changed his mind.

"Well, uh, thank you," she muttered uncomfortably, shifting again, "It's a deal, then." She began to turn to leave when he appeared ahead of her again. She jumped but held her tongue.

"I am curious, my dear," he began impishly, "Why the princess is here, and not the king."

"I guess you'll have to be curious then," she muttered, trying to brush by him. But a clammy hand grasped her arm. She nearly smacked him, but again managed to hold herself back.

"Trying to prove something, deary?" he asked.

She finally managed to tug her arm from him, hurrying to the door.

When she returned to the castle she went straight to her fathers office. The imp had been right about one thing. She did have something to prove. She was about to turn the handle when she heard an angry voice echo from inside.

"-all due respect, that's bloody ridiculous. I told you, every man you send will die, without fail. Pan won't want to play with them, he wants to play with me. And every spare man is a life lost," it was Killian arguing with her father. Her hand paused over the handle, just hovering there. Killian never stood up to her father, over anything. He was terrified of the king.

"I can't send you there alone, Killian," her father's voice was more worn than she'd ever heard, "If I do you'll die and Emma will never forgive either of us."

She heard Killian chuckle sarcastically and her heart pattered angrily.

"I can assure you that Emma doesn't care if I die, your majesty. Not anymore."

The silence that followed his words was deafening and she was so angry with him for saying something so stupid and she wanted to go in but now she was frightened to. She was so tired of being frightened to talk to Killian. He was her best friend, after all. It was supposed to be easy with him. Not like this.

Finally she couldn't listen to the silence any longer. She composed her face as best she could into something more of excitement than rage. Then she grabbed the handle and burst in.

"Father!" she smiled, and curtseyed to the King. She didn't even allow her eyes to look about for Killian. All she saw was her father.

"Emma, what are you-" he began, face a mask of confusion and a bit of worry. He'd noticed the strange behavior of his only daughter lately, no doubt.

"I fixed things with The Dark One!" she announced proudly, trying to hold back the smile that was pulling at her lips.

"You did what?!" Killian cried indignantly. Her father's eyes widened.

"Emma why-"

"I got the sail, and he's not gonna kill Killian," she glanced at him and glared hard, trying not to notice the sacks beneath his eyes, the aloofness of the clothing he hadn't changed from yesterday. The scratches on his face, the ones from her, were red and enflamed and looked quite painful. And his eyes were so lonely, so lost, they almost didn't look like his. She wanted to tend to him and clean his wounds like he clearly hadn't and she wanted to whisper secrets or explore the woods or even just drink with him until the sadness left. But that was out of the question entirely. "You're welcome," she hissed instead.

"I'm welcome? Emma do you realize what a bloody fool you are?!" he took a hesitant but full step to her. "What did he make you promise?" She glanced at her father, who looked just as shocked and scared as the blue eyed brunette standing in front of her. She slowly looked back at him. The terror in his eyes was unbelievable. "Emma, what did you promise him?!" he repeated urgently, this time grabbing her shoulder.

"N-nothing," she managed, a little startled by his response. She shrugged his hand away uncomfortably and it fell back to his side.

"Nothing?" her father muttered dubiously. But she couldn't take her eyes off of Killian.

"You're lying, Swan," he grumbled, eyes still sharp and aware and oh so scared.

"No I'm not," she answered firmly.

"He didn't just give you the sail, Emma," it was her father now, and Killian nodded his agreement. She glanced slowly between them, eyes landing on Killian.

"I just owe him a debt," she finally muttered, feeling a bit defeated. But still, she'd gotten the sail. And saved Killian. She was capable. But she also knew that owing The Dark One a debt wasn't the best position to be in. Her father inhaled sharply, and Killian cursed under his breath.

"Why would you do that, Emma?" her father finally asked weakly, "Why would you go deal with him? You knew I was going to handle things."

"Yeah and that would've ended well," she muttered, "He hates both of you," she added softly, "My deal is better than what yours would have been. And lets not forget he threw Killian's life in on my deal."

"A deal with Rumplestiltskin isn't something to be taken lightly, Emma!" her father scolded softly. Killian still hadn't spoken. That scared look had only intensified.

"I did what I had to," she finally growled, stepping away from both of them, "You both act as if I'm incapable of anything but I'm not! I can help and I can do things and you're both being arses! Killian, I get that Liam is your brother but I love him too, and father I can't just stay here and watch Killian go after him without me, no matter how many men you send!" she could've kept going but her father kept shaking his head and shaking his head and shaking his head.

"No. No," he was saying, "Emma, I'm sorry, but no. You aren't going anywhere, I don't care what you say or do. This isn't about proving yourself. You're also grounded. Don't you ever so much as look at Rumplestiltskin again, do you hear me? We leave at sunrise tomorrow. And Killian isn't going with just my men, he's going with me and we are all coming back alive."


End file.
